Dear Past Self-

Thank you for being judicious with your time. I know all you wanted to do was write. I feel like I have achieved so much and so little at the same time. I am shoveling food into my mouth. Anyway.... Past self- I don't know what to tell you other than you are a rock star today. That whole Fight Song decision you made, to help motivate you to get out of bed... genius.

Past self- Yesterday was a little rough. I know you had a hard time focusing and I can feel it come on today. It's okay, i know in your gut you knew making your Save-the-Date instead of the million other things you are supposed to be doing was wrong. I am also more stressed because of it.

Past self- I don't know what to do. Our numbers are so low. So incredibly low. I don't know what to do to make them higher. Probably walk around town throwing out flyers in desperation. I keep putting off the outreach part of my job. I hate it. I like the coordinating, talking to community partners, helping prospective students, career coaching. I know you feel this way too. What to do?

Anyway, I am going to write future self now. Talk to you later.

Love,

Current Self


Dear Future Self-

I know you are happy because today was a banner day for our relationship. I actually followed through on what I was going to do. This is a win in our book. At the same time future self, I need to talk to you about the future. This means talk about ideas. I am stressed right now, and I don't want you to be stressed. I need help thinking through some things. Future self- what is important? How do I drum up business. I don't know what to do. I do know what to do and I hate it. I hate it too much. I need to block out my day and flyer the shit out of things. Our flyers need to be everywhere. It is not the exciting work, but it is the necessary work.

Anyway, tootles.

Current Self

Dear Future Self,

15 minutes of writing. 15 minutes and I am at work. I feel a little guilty writing this early in the morning. I just feel so distracted. Things are taking a while to up load. Granted- now, that I am writing to you. I realize this isn't the time. Thus, I will come back to you around lunch. Future self, I don't want you to be stressed about work because I found something else to do. So, I am hanging up, I am putting down the figurative pen. I will see you later.

I have 15 minutes. The timer is ticking down. Today I had the epiphany. I need to find my voice. I need to find my confidence. I need to find my opinions. Many days I feel like I am cowering in the corner. I feel like I am flailing around. I feel like I am drowning. I try to convince myself daily to just hold on. I feel like I am wasting away not working towards my goals. I feel like I am not going anywhere. So, today is the day that I go somewhere.

I read a post on reddit. It is only fitting to give it props to what it deserves. It was a motivational post that advises four steps to motivation. 1) the No-Zero rule, 2) The Treat your Future Self and Past self like they are your best friends, do things for them and express gratitude for them 3) Forgive yourself and 4) Exercise and Books.

The doing things for my future self and being grateful to my past self really resonated with me. So, with this blog, I will be talking to my future and past self and developing my voice. To begin:

Hello Future Self,

I am writing this blog to you. I have so many ideas and plans and visions for the future. I also have so much fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of rejection. Future self, I have to overcome these fears. Because, how I am supposed to do great things, if I hide from them. Honestly, future self, I am not quite sure where I want to go with this. I don't even know what I want for you. Here is a brainstorm of things I want for you, future self:

1. Get Healthy- I must thank my past self because past self has been working on this. She hasn't been working hard, but she has been working little by little in a manageable way. She still has a way to go. Counting calories is hard... but, past self overcame the hard and prioritized getting that done because it was important to her. Past self exercised yesterday. Thank you past self. Today, she did not exercise, but she gave herself grace because she had a hard night the other night. Thank you past self for being forgiving. 

It is two minutes over my allotted time for doing this. Thank you past self for taking the initiative to do this. 

A note to current self- Remember tomorrow, that is Thursday. Do this for you. It is only 15 minutes. 

Love Past self.